Five leadership secrets of the Trappist monk
July 20, 2010
Five leadership secrets of the Trappist monk
Stephen Martin, who explores leadership as a speechwriter and as a business columnist for the Raleigh (N.C.) News & Observer, has written for America, Commonweal and U.S. News & World Report.
Trappist monks live apart from the world. But their rich and ancient traditions also offer vital lessons on leadership for those of us living in it. The Roman Catholic order, founded in Citeaux, France, has practiced prayer nonstop for nearly a thousand years. Responsible for supporting themselves, they have been entrepreneurs for just as long.
As times and market conditions have changed, Trappists have kept up by reinventing their businesses continually. Since the founding of Mepkin Abbey near Charleston, S.C., in 1949, for example, the monks there have sold cinnamon buns, ventured into logging, run a large egg farm and, most recently, started selling native plants. How have Trappists thrived through the centuries? Here are five of their secrets:
1. Get (really) disciplined. As in waking up at 3 a.m. every day for the rest of your life. That’s when Trappists rise for Vigils, their first community prayer of the day. They will gather for worship five more times before turning in at 8 p.m. In between, they work, study and pray some more. Their schedule almost never varies. Their meals rarely change. They talk as little as possible. Everything about their lives is ordered toward their mission of praising God.
On the surface, this routine seems like a soul-killing exercise in boredom. But tremendous focus paves their path to salvation. “The monk has a feel for the stark and the spare,” writes Michael Downey in his book, Trappist. “Fasting, abstinence, and keeping vigil are disciplines embraced so as to stay alert, awake for the coming of God.”
2. Throw away the key . At Holy Cross Abbey in Berryville, Va., where I recently made a weekend retreat, the doors to the guest rooms lock only from the inside. When you go out, there’s no way to secure your laptop or Blackberry or car keys. It’s a rather discomfiting reminder of what makes the Trappist world go round: trust, in God and your brothers. Spiritual growth doesn’t happen when we’re holding back or playing defense. It takes openness.
“Anytime you get put together with 15 or 20 people you don’t know, you’ll find things about them that are objectionable, and they’ll find them about you,” said Daniel DeVoe, the guest master at Holy Cross Abbey who is seriously thinking of becoming a Trappist himself. The trick is learning to appreciate the strengths of others, to give them the benefit of the doubt, to acknowledge your own shortcomings and work to fix them. It’s all about building trust, the ancient glue that, against all odds, holds together monastic organizations to this day.
3. Know your customer. During a retreat several years ago at Mepkin Abbey, I found myself alone in the gift shop with Brother Stephen, an elderly, startlingly fit, lifelong monk. He rang up a few items, swiped my credit card and asked how I was doing. I asked customers the same thing all the time when I clerked at a grocery store in high school. Unlike me, however, he actually cared about the answer.
I confessed, frankly, to being tired with a busy job, grad school, a young son and another child on the way. There wasn’t a lot of time for prayer, which was what I probably needed most. He nodded and remarked that perhaps helping raise my family was a form of prayer in itself. We talked for another 10 minutes. More insights, tailored just for me, followed — and I shouldn’t have been surprised.
As Michael Downey explains, the work of monks “is not to be understood primarily as a product for consumers in a marketplace. …The fruits of the monk’s labor are sold as a means of livelihood, but they are sold to persons, real people with deep needs, not bottom-line consumers.”
4. Shut up. A monk’s life is a study in humility. It’s about setting aside personal plans and ambitions for the good of the community, saying goodbye to worldly pleasures and doing highly repetitive work with few tangible rewards. It’s a daily exercise in probing your flaws and coming to terms with your own insignificance. This adds up to a perpetual assault on pride, and it starts with quieting down and listening to what your brothers have to say.
“We’re all so impressed by what we know,” said DeVoe, the Holy Cross guest master. But rather than overestimating our own abilities, he said, real knowledge comes from paying attention to those around us. Monks have a longstanding tradition of turning to spiritual directors for guidance in the contemplative life. The feedback they get gives them a better sense of their strengths and weaknesses and serves as a spark for change. “You learn things about yourself that you wouldn’t know otherwise,” DeVoe said.
5. Live in the margins. In his book Leaders Make the Future, futurist Bob Johansen notes that “true innovations are likely to come from the margins that are stretched, rather than from the mainstream.”
Trappists make their home in the margins. They labor in obscurity, their chosen path makes little sense to most people, and they’re criticized, sometimes even by fellow Christians, for closeting themselves away when they could be out in the world helping people with urgent problems. They have Web sites and use e-mail judiciously, but they take care not to swamp themselves with information and distraction. They remain, in other words, as counter-cultural as ever, and therein is their strength.
Over the centuries, as Downey writes, monasteries around the world (and not just Trappist ones) have served as “renowned centers of peace and refuge, the focal points of culture and education.” That’s surely because they have stood beside the mainstream and observed it carefully but never immersed themselves in it. Their perspective is always a bit out of step with the times and refreshingly original as a result.
“The logic of worldly success rests on a fallacy: the strange error that our perfection depends on the thoughts and opinions and applause of other men,” Thomas Merton, America’s most renowned Trappist monk, wrote in his landmark autobiography The Seven Storey Mountain.
More than 60 years since its publication, and centuries since their founding, Trappists still go their own way, focused and unhurried, free of the need for the world’s approval. By training, they’re too modest to say their experience with leadership can teach us anything, but we’d be wise to learn all we can from them anyway.
Listening as a Sacred Calling
April 8, 2010
Lectio: Luke 19:28-40
March 26, 2010
Lectio: Luke 13:1-8
March 7, 2010
Luke 13
1Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2Jesus answered, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”
6Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. 7So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’
8” ‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. 9If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’ “
***
Repentance.
My view of repentance was dramatically altered several years ago when I read The Challenge of Jesus by NT Wright. I used to think of repentance in purely moral terms and cutting bad behaviors out of my life. Repentance was a fresh commitment to NOT drink, smoke or chew or go out with girls who do. You’ll have to read NT Wright for yourself if you want the fuller explanation (and it would be WELL worth the time and effort, I promise) but the short version is that repentance has more to do with changing allegiances and cutting ties from anything anti-Christ - and the original context was very political and military - and putting all your eggs in the “Christ is King” basket. So repentance has to do with our loyalty and where we pledge our allegiance as much or more than it has to do with changing a morally questionable behavior…. although that comes as part of the package… its just not where Christ and his original audience would put the emphasis. And here’s why. If we change our allegiance and where we trust then all the rest comes with it. If we simply change a behavior our heart can still be far from Christ.
So that brings into focus what Christ is saying here in this passage and how it hangs together. Christ is saying to the people standing there that if they don’t give up their agenda and alter their allegiance to him they will literally die when God comes in judgement… and God did exactly that shortly after Christ’s departure as Christ had foretold on several occasions (but that is a much longer, theological discussion for another time).
Last week I began asking myself: What would my life look like today if I were to live in complete loyalty to Christ and align with his agenda? And of course there is no one right answer to that but a lifetime of turning to him and shifting all my loyalty, pledging all my allegiance to him alone as areas of my life are uncovered and new idols to turn from are discovered. Repentance is the work of a lifetime not a simple event.
What allegiances need to be broken in your life so you are more free for loyalty to Christ?
+++ Lord, help me become a great repent-er! I know there are areas you want me to turn from so I can more fully be yours. Will you show them to me and help me know how to cut ties with them so I can follow you more fully, more faithfully in the days and years ahead. I am yours, all yours. Amen. +++
Lectio: Luke 9:28-36
February 26, 2010
Lectio: Luke 4:1-13
February 19, 2010
Luke 4
The Temptation of Jesus
1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, 2where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”
4Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone.’ ”
5The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7So if you worship me, it will all be yours.”
8Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.”
9The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. 10For it is written:
” ‘He will command his angels concerning you
to guard you carefully;
11they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
12Jesus answered, “It says: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’
13When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.
The season of Lent, at its core, is very much about seeking God.
The desert fathers understood this very well, and understood Jesus’ example of going into the wilderness to do battle by prayer and fasting- following Jesus in example and heart.
What can I learn from Jesus here?
1) Jesus set the example for us not to do this in our own power, but by the power of the Holy Spirit. Following the Spirit’s leading is our best course of action.
2) Books could be written on Jesus’ answer to the temptations, however, today I will just suggest that though Jesus was the Son of God, He did not serve Himself. By denying the temptations, we see over and over that He denied Himself to ultimately serve others, to serve us.
3) Jesus’ answers “Man does not live by bread alone…Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only…Do not put your Lord to the test…” guide us in our seeking. He gave simple yet profound answers to the distractions that come when we seek.
Jesus also taught us to seek, ask, and knock. God, Our Father, wants to be found!
neurotheology and the biology of spirituality
February 3, 2010
Did you know that there are professionals across the country who are studying the brain science of spiritual experience? They have taken the name ”neurotheologians” - those who research in the burgeoning field of spiritual experience and the brain - and they claim that prayer can sculpt your brain. Seriously, they claim prayer physically re-shapes your brain, and in-turn how your perceive reality. One such “neurotheologian”, Dr. Andrew Newberg of the University of Pennsylvania and teaching professor of the course The Biology of Spirituaity, has found that those who meditate and pray more have increased brain activity in the frontal lobe - where concentration and focus are centered according to brain scientists - while at the same time decreased activity in the parietal lobe - which is where we get our sense of orientation in time and space according to brain science. Therefore he posits this either aids or explains our experience of prayer, and those who claim to lose track of time and space during meditative prayer. In fact, Dr. Newberg has written a book: How God Changes Your Brain, in which he talks about the following:
- Not only do prayer and spiritual practice reduce stress and anxiety, but just twelve minutes of meditation per day may slow down the aging process.
- Fundamentalism, in and of itself, is benign and can be personally beneficial, but the anger and prejudice generated by extreme beliefs can permanently damage your brain.
- Intense prayer and meditation permanently change numerous structures and functions in the brain - altering your values and the way you perceive reality.
Interesting, eh? But here is the kicker: while these brain scientists/neurotheologians have focused most of their studies on those who pray and/or meditate for several hours every day (like monks and nuns), their research is now turning to more prayer-challenged people (like me!). In fact, Neuroscientist Richard Davidson, of the University of Wisconsin, claims that most anyone can sculpt their brain with some experience and training and something they call neuroplasticity (brain/cortical organization, especially for the sensory systems, is often described in terms of mapping, thus, with training and experience we can re-map our brain…quick question: in faith community circles, is this what we call spiritual formation?). “You can sculpt your brain just as you’d sculpt your muscles if you went to the gym,” he says. “Our brains are continuously being sculpted, whether you like it or not, wittingly or unwittingly.”
In one recent-but-unpublished study many people - who were regular people and not monks and nuns - were very successful in cultivating a spiritual mind-set. According to Dr. Davidson, there were detectable changes in the subjects’ brains within two weeks. Two weeks! Another similar study, where employees at a high-tech firm meditated a few minutes a day over a few weeks, produced more dramatic results. “Just two months’ practice among rank amateurs led to a systematic change in both the brain as well as the immune system in more positive directions,” Davidson claims that the subjects developed more antibodies to a flu virus than did their colleagues who did not meditate.
So, I have been reflecting on all this and asking myself:
- what are the implications for spiritual formation in terms of neurotheology, prayer and neuroplasticity?
- Can spiritual formation and spiritual exercises like centering prayer, meditation and contemplative prayer ‘form’ a well-worn pathway to connect with God?
Lectio: Luke 4:14-21
January 22, 2010
14And Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about Him spread through all the surrounding district.
15And He began teaching in their synagogues and was praised by all.
16And He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up; and as was His custom, He entered the synagogue on the Sabbath, and stood up to read.
17And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. And He opened the book and found the place where it was written,
18“THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS UPON ME,
BECAUSE HE ANOINTED ME TO PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE POOR.
HE HAS SENT ME TO PROCLAIM RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES,
AND RECOVERY OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND,
TO SET FREE THOSE WHO ARE OPPRESSED,
19TO PROCLAIM THE FAVORABLE YEAR OF THE LORD.”
20And He closed the book, gave it back to the attendant and sat down; and the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him.
21And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”
Luke 4:14-21
At first reading, the phrase “…in the power of the Spirit,” jumped out at me. What does that mean and what does that even look like?
Reading this passage several more times, I begin to feel the significance in what Jesus found to read from Isaiah. I’ve often thought that the passage Jesus reads from Isaiah, well, it just doesn’t get any simpler than that concerning our mission. If Jesus – as a good rabbi – says to me “follow me” and then wants me to do what He does, this becomes my mission in a nutshell. Proclaim good news to the poor, release and set free the oppressed, proclaim the favour of God. The significance of this mission is that the Reign of God is being entered, not just by the followers who do what Jesus does, but to the marginalized: the poor, the oppressed, the blind. God’s favour is becoming present and revealed to them. Yet to be honest, while I believe this for others, I sometimes have trouble remembering to believe this for myself. I sometimes don’t believe now is the favorable year of the Lord for me. My debts cancelled? My family returned? My oppressors overthrown? And I also struggle that if I can’t bring myself to believe it, how can I proclaim it to others? Of course, therein lies my own struggle of a season with a famine of faith and a feast of doubt.
“Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” What a spectacular thing to say…and how exciting. As all the eyes were fixed on Him, I can imagine the surge of energy that must have risen from the gathered crowd when Jesus proclaims the fulfillment. And yet, what an unspectacular event. Jesus is the humble person of gracious words here. Humble gracious words…this is what it means to proclaim ‘in the power of the Spirit’…it doesn’t have to be some deep-throated rebel yell (although there is a time and place for that too)…but today I am seeing that this is who He is, incredible power in such deep humility. My God is a humble God…and He calls me to humility with Him.
++Lord, I believe! but in my feast of doubt, help my unbelief. Let me know and experience the power of humility. Let us know You O Lord, and follow You in Your mission here and now. Amen.++
the spirit of the place
January 19, 2010
As technology gets more mobile and your 3G or 4G network gets you “connected” from anywhere on the planet, social scientists are pointing toward the fact that other horizons seem to be disappearing. Nature and green space have dropped off the screen so-to-speak, because in our time-poor culture, we just don’t have time to go to the park or have a garden, because apparently we’d rather miracle-grow our farms in a game on Facebook. Nature is becoming invisible to the virtual eye, one might say. We walk down the street texting or e-mailing or chatting on the phone, and un-noticed is the silent creep of the natural world. Does this call into question the very argument of the erstwhile apostle Paul from Romans 1: “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.” Do we no longer take time to notice?
I bring this up, because I think it has an immense bearing on what we call “spiritual formation”. When we speak of spiritual formation, we are talking about what forms us into the people we are becoming. Thus, in spiritual formation, we seek to have the Spirit of the Living God forming us unto Christlikeness, just as Jesus foretold us He would in John 16:13.
Yet a recent article in the Washington Post reported that: “According to a recent landmark study of viewing habits, adults spend an average of nearly three hours a day interacting with computer screens. Add TV viewing and you get a screen time of about 8 1/2 hours. “People are spending more time in media and especially screen media than anything else they’re doing in life,” says Bill Moult of Sequent Partners, one of two organizations that provided the study…But you don’t need numbers to know how absorbed we have become by screens and their mesmerizing qualities. In October [2009], two Northwest Airlines pilots who flew their jet 150 miles past their destination told investigators they were distracted by their laptop computers.”
The more time we spend with something the more it “forms” us, that’s basic spiritual formation 101. The more time with Jesus, the more like Him we become, however we also note that it is not just the content of material going into our brains (input) that forms us - things like scripture reading or memorization - but it is also how we are taking that information in that is just as critical. In spiritual formation studies, we note that the impact of content can suffer greatly if there is no contact - actually interacting relationally with Jesus directly via prayer and indirectly in community with others and our world.
Interviewed about what we are losing in the digital/virtual age, Robert Harrison, a professor of Italian literature at Stanford University, observed that the difficulty is that we are losing something profoundly human: the capacity to connect deeply to our environments. He reminds us that landscape designers talk about bestowing on a garden its genius loci, or spirit of the place, that bubbles up into your consciousness if its presence is strong enough and the visitor meditative enough to receive it. Harrison says a garden truly reveals itself only when its own depths and those of the beholder flow together. But in our present age of rushing here-and-there, we languish in the poverty of both time and attention. Thus in an age of distraction, attention becomes a primary spiritual discipline, along with meditation, which he mentions.
Harrison claims that gardens and green space are keys to bringing us back from the virtual world to re-claim our humanity. In fact, in the initial chapters of Genesis there is a word-play in the Hebrew with regard to the Earth and the Man formed out of earth. In Hebrew, earth is ‘adamah and man is ‘ha-adam. The best translation may be ‘earth’ and ‘earthling’, and the earthling is placed in what?…a garden of delight. Thus, Professor Harrison goes on to say: “Gardens are the best place to begin this reeducation,” Without it, he fears that the prophecy of the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke, in his Duino Elegies, will become so. “Earth, isn’t this what you want; invisibly to arise in us? Is it not your dream to be someday invisible? Earth! Invisible!”
Of course it is entirely possible that Paul nailed it in Romans: we, professing to be wise, became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for a virtual image flickering in HD…
- How do you connect best with God? Nature? Internet? Solitude? Community?
- Have you considered - as an earthling - how you are connected to this earth? I believe there is something significant that we are made of earth, yet the Spirit of the Living God indwells us…I like how Pierre Teilhard de Chardin turns our perspective on its head: We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
- What would you say is the genius loci/spirit of the place in which you inhabit currently?
- Take time to connect with your local environment…meditate deeply on it and look for the bubbling presence of God to reveal the hidden Christ to you; journal your thoughts on this afterwards. Is God saying something to you?
the aggravation of a profound isolation
January 6, 2010
the soul environs itself with friends, that it may enter into a grander self-acquaintance or solitude; and it goes alone, for a season, that it may exalt its conversation or society. - ralph waldo emerson
I have been contemplating this quote from Emerson, and I think our culture increasingly misses out on the interplay between friendship and solitude. It’s rare that we choose to enter seasons of solitude, yet rarer still having that experience of solitude enrich our conversations and relationships. Our “environ”-ing ourselves in non-obligatory affinity groups has become a wasteland of isolation in shallow community. In this wasteland of isolation, our actual experience of both friendship and solitude is ever-atrophied, even as the desire continues to grow for both of them. We have become lost in our own space - our profound isolation among society aggravated by our desire to be known and to know ourselves. In pursuing to meet our increasing desires for knownness, we have become our own cause célèbre, as our growing pang for real intimacy is merely being aggravated by following someone on Twitter or Facebook: “Steven is sitting with his mug of dark roast contemplating the life of birds in his backyard“…no he’s not, that dark roast is sitting there getting cold as he pauses to type and the contemplation of the life in nature becomes secondary and shallow because he interrupts the moment to tweet about some now non-existent state of being and moment in time that has been interrupted by his own need or felt responsibility for the celebrity of having others know what he’s up to this morning before he even experiences it or digests its significance. In this, I trade depth and significance for a shallow celebrity. And the irony is that in that moment my connection with God or nature or people fades or stops as I set aside the dark roast and contemplating the life of birds to log-in and type it out. Rather than actually experiencing something that can eventually be shared and rather than being present to someone in sharing it, I short-change my experiences and substitute real presence for a distributive and insipid presence that more and more just leaves me exhausted in isolation. This kind of profound isolation eats at many of us, and gets ever-aggravated as we go looking for knownness and intimacy in all the wrong places.
We want to be known, and yet nowadays we impoverish ourselves in a faux knownness - in a virtual connectivity - yet fewer and fewer people actually know us and the experience of presence recedes. Chaundra and I met an old friend at a pub last year, and over a few pints and a lingering meal got re-connected. At one point, I excused myself from the bar to go to the restroom, which was all the way in the back of the place, past the dining room. As I was making my way through the dining room, there was a couple all dressed up and obviously out on a date, and as I passed their table twice I noticed they both had their noses in their iPhones, and at least one of them was on Facebook, probably typing a note about being with the one they love and having a delightful dinner. Except it was only partially true, because they weren’t with the one they loved except in terms of shared spatial coordinates on a map, because they were both lost in their own separate virtual worlds. Admittedly, in arranging to meet our friend for a nice dinner, we set up the experience via Facebook, but we did eventually leave Facebook behind to actually experience relationship.
See, it’s not that the Internet hasn’t been a great tool for social networking and making connections or renewing old acquaintances, it’s that we have substituted actual connections for virtual ones, and also prioritized the virtual ones. Who hasn’t been interrupted in a conversation with a friend by their cell phone as they take a non-urgent call or they tune out from being present to check their Blackberry to see how many e-mails are piling up. We accentuate the virtual at the expense of the real. Oh, sure, people may read my tweets and smile wryly at some comment I make in a virtual community, but they don’t really know me and we are not present to one another. The person they know is mediated by internet access and the virtual masks I construct therein. People imagine that they know me, and I imagine being known, but neither is actually happening to any depth that feeds our souls and sets us on a journey greater than our random comments to no-one-in-particular. We’ve traded an intimacy rich with depth for something shallow and hallow. It’s like my 4 year-old trading her well-worn $10 bill for a shiny new nickel…it’s shiny, but not worth half as a much! Intimacy with others is actually enhanced by the discipline of solitude in our lives, and yet we don’t really believe that to be true or more people would practice it. In fact, as William Deresiwicz insightfully laments, our culture entrains us to never be alone…never disconnect:
“I grew up in the 60s and 70s, the age of television. I was trained to be bored; boredom was cultivated within me like a precious crop. (It has been said that consumer society wants to condition us to feel bored, since boredom creates a market for stimulation.) It took me years to discover — and my nervous system will never fully adjust to this idea; I still have to fight against boredom, am permanently damaged in this respect — that having nothing to do doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The alternative to boredom is what Whitman called idleness: a passive receptivity to the world. So it is with the current generation’s experience of being alone. That is precisely the recognition implicit in the idea of solitude, which is to loneliness what idleness is to boredom. Loneliness is not the absence of company, it is grief over that absence. The lost sheep is lonely; the shepherd is not lonely. But the Internet is as powerful a machine for the production of loneliness as television is for the manufacture of boredom. If six hours of television a day creates the aptitude for boredom, the inability to sit still, a hundred text messages a day creates the aptitude for loneliness, the inability to be by yourself.”
In a culture of constant virtual connectivity, solitude becomes a discipline to be embraced. In a world where friendship has become a comfortable illusion of a virtually-constructed self that merely acquiesces to the Facebook request to be a friend, the challenge of sacred friendship must be met to spur us onward, upward and inward. It’s time for the cultivation of the precious crop of Christlikeness, which embraces both sacred friendship and solitude. But we may ask: OK, but what might this depth look like, how do we do it? The Apostle Paul says it this way: “If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends.” (from Philippians 2 – The Message) I’ll end today with David Benner, who points us toward the essence of sacred friendship in a practical way when he writes in his book Sacred Companions, “Spiritual friends share with each other at the level of the soul. This does not mean that they talk about only serious, personal or spiritual matters…Friends who enjoy soul intimacy never settle for gossip or simple information exchange, [they can be comfortable in silence.] Instead they use the data of events as springboards for the sharing of feelings, perceptions, values, ideas and opinions. The conversations of such friends are never merely about what happened in their lives or the world but move from this to how they experience, react to and understand what happened. Dialogue continually moves from the surface to the depths, from the external to the internal. This is the crucial distinctive of dialogue in spiritual friendships.”